June 16, 2013: SoFNN- Mega News Update!
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!The popularity of Vanilla Skies mega has prompted resurgence of sales for rapper Vanilla Ice! (He's now up to 3 albums sold!!)
Vanilla Skies Action Item: Nobody Knows Nothing!!
- Except how to bring the boom! Starcharger was 14th burned at Thrice Burned this past cycle, as Nobody sent a hail-mary of multiple fleets at the beleaguered world. "It was like Eleanor Rigby's wedding!" claimed one bystander. "Nobody came!" The expected cheers and jubilation of the attacking fleets was muted, however, as it turned out that "Nobody got no reason to live." We were able to reach Starcharger for comment, on his way to wherever it is that overthrown despots run to when the (vanilla) skies are falling. "Nobody knows, the trouble I've seen; Nobody knows, my sorrow", he said.
Vanilla Skies Second Item: The Needs Of The Many Outweigh The Needs Of The One!!
- For the third time in recorded history, a space-faring Khan has suffered great defeat. His nemesis commanders have been Kirk, Kirk, and now Kira. (Editor's note: Someone probably just missed the 'K' on the birth certificate or something.) His former HW of Khannnnn, Khannnnn! has fallen, even as Ghenghis' surviving forces have congregated on Nineron. In a statement by Arachnon Overlord Sentrion: "I'm going to take a nine iron to Nineron."
Vanilla Skies Third Item: Mars Needs Moms!!
- The planet Mars was attacked this past cycle by Commander Solitar. Unfortunately for Solitar, his forces got instructions mixed up in the attack, likely due to the fact that his conventional forces were being given orders by the "Sic Transit Gloria" squadron of suicide fighters, which led the entire military to its death at the hands of Commander Rukhy. The able defense was anchored by the (Editor's note: Astounding, as an adjective, works well here) 12 v3Battlestations in orbit, which passed through the battle unscathed. In contrast, Solitar's forces were severely scathed, and he will need new ones.
And now, a word from our sponsor: Convent Disco DJ's, Anonymous- "Because no one wants to work in a complete cloister funk!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
June 5, 2013: SoFNN- Vanilla Skies Mega, Turn 7 Update!
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!While there might be 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins, there's only 1 in this Mega!
Vanilla Skies Action Item: A "Flat" Oddity Found To Be An Environmental Hazard(ian)!!
- Commander Oddity invaded the HW of bizarrely behaving Commander Starkill, who, though he appears to have no commanderial pedigree, has made well-considered offensive moves against two enemies at the same time in the early game. Oddity took the HW in a flashy, apparently off-scan attack, while Starkill's forces were off invading, not one, but two other neighbors. The first HW capture of Vanilla Skies is, of course, no Oddity at all, simply another one of us getting Flat-tened.
Vanilla Skies Second Item: Amidst Trouble And Travail, The Bachelor Gets The Axe!!
- Commander Travail is apparently all for marriage, as he put the kibosh on Bachelor this past cycle. Swarming noz fighters took the world with the help of some infantry units. Word has it that Travail has also begun a construction lock on kitchen sinks, to throw into combat in the coming cycles. In an SoFNN exclusive, Travail said: "I captured the planet because I thought the reality show was being shot here, and it sucks. A lot. Sorry, my bad. Not for taking the planet, but for not getting the show."
Vanilla Skies Third Item: Sally Apparently Not A Kubera Enthusiast!!
- Commander Kubera waltzed in to the planet Mustang this past cycle with a quick victory, almost as if he was bOrn to do it. In a comment to the public, he reported the death of the prior president, Mustang Sally, in the attack. Sources report however, that in poor taste, he had his forces play TAPS for her at the funeral.
And now, a word from our sponsor: People Who are Afraid of Really Fuzzy Rabbits Society- "We all have angoraphobia!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
May 26, 2013: Elemental War Over, New Flavor Mega To Start!!
Congrats to the Air Team for breezing to victory with 171 worlds!
Fire guttered to a 170 world finish, Water trickled to 162 worlds, and Earth, um, settled?, with 158 worlds.
It's probably safe to say that Fire and Water ran out of steam at the end, while Earth helped to muddy the waters.
It has also been revealed that Water's favorite band is no longer Earth, Wind, and Fire, while Fire has boycotted all concerts by Air Supply. Meanwhile, Earth and Water enjoy Muddy Waters, but have told Steam to "Na na na na, hey hey, kiss your butts goodbye".
Okay, enough with the mixed element puns. The next mega, Vanilla Skies, is a standard scoring, individual mega with its own, ahem, unique flavor and atmosphere, and is open for joins.
Join now!
Travail, UC News Reporter
May 15, 2013: SoFNN- Mega News Update- Elemental War, Turn 25!
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention!
Elemental War Action Item: Ramius Makes It Through Red "May"!!
- A humongous battle was waged at Ramius this past cycle, with Commander "Robinson" Caruso's forces carrying the day in victory after a brutal campaign by invader, Commander "What the?" Helldar. Folks, everything was in this battle, including a submarine! (Editor's note: Well, not really. But 'hyperbole' is not part of any convention of war, so we went with it.)
Elemental War Second Item: Why Not To Spill Coffee In Your Lap!!
- General Platton was burned at work this past cycle, trying to defend his (now former) HW of BurnedAtWork. The successful invader was Commander "I Think That I Shall Never See A Poem Lovely As A" Trebor, who was aided by the sudden appearance of the TK Tour de France, which showed up with 25 TK bike riders looking for a finish line. In the skirmish, one of the riders was killed, but race officials were quoted as saying: "Yes, it's true, and although he wasn't blood doping, he was a dope, so it's okay." All kudos to General Platton, who had had to fend off an attack at the HW the 2 cycles before this from Trebor, then Commander "The" Dr_Sci "Is In", and finally had been left ill prepared for the follow up onslaught by Trebor. It would be fair to say that Platton was 'hydroplaned' over the last 3 cycles. Well fought, well fought!
Elemental War Third Item: Bad Water, Bad!!
- If you were one of the few who missed the mano a mano fight several cycles ago at Badwater, you should find a moment to go back in your files and review it, as an example of epic struggle, a fight among matched equals, to the death. (Editor's note: Or, you could look at it as 2 kindergarten kids fighting with crayons, in that it took for-freaking-ever.) In the end, after THIRTY rounds of fighting, the invading Monk died of shame.
And now, a word from our sponsor: Drosophilophages Anonymous- "You want some flies with that?
Travail, UC News Reporter
April 28, 2013: SoFNN: Elemental War Mega News- Turn 17!
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention!
Elemental War Action Item: Theory Of Relativity Is Reproven!!
- Commander Sobyv told Einstein (the world, not the famous, dead, terran scientist) that E equaled MC *boom!!* this past cycle, when a veritable horde of megabots joined the battle. (Editor's note: Should that be "bottle"?) The speedy bot-talion made short work of the powerful static defense of the planet, putting Commander Solitar's entire empire on notice given the awesome range of those bots. Reached for comment, Sobyv told us: "It's got to be the bot, Bob."
Elemental War Second Item: Okay, It Wasn't So Flawless!!
- Meeee-OW! Commander "A Man Called" Paladin1991 won an uphill battle against Flat "Cool" Cat at Flawless this past cycle, as both commanders went for the planet at the same time. Flat's forces were pounded, er, flat, as a prickly Nclass V2 outlasted the competition to win the battle. Of course, it looks awful lonely sitting there by itself. In an exclusive interview with SoFNN, Paladin told us: "Okay, maybe it wasn't so flawless, but it worked."
Elemental War Third Item: VPXtreme Proves He Can Be As Ornery As An Orn!!
- Commander VPXtreme (Editor's note: To borrow a ZPOism) brought the boom to Ornery this past cycle, sacking the now former homeworld of Commander JimC. We caught up to him for a statement, and he said: "I'm a world killer, not a doctor, Jim!"
And now, a word from our sponsor: Society for the Preservation of Deaf Fish- "It's not their fault they are hard of herring!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
April 16, 2013: SoFNN- Elemental War Mega, Turn 11
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention!
Elemental War Action Item: Silencio, Por Favor!!
- Commander Takeshi's fluid-like forces rolled over and quenched the scuttlers and military of "General" Platton at Silencio, silencioing them forever.
Elemental War Second Item: Dust Storm Dustup At Minion!!
- The airy minions of Zen at Minion were overcome by the earthy forces of "Rocky" Rukhy. Speaking of Zen, looks like Rukhy is about to do a little feng shuei.
And now, a word from our sponsor: Like Waiter for Chocolate- "Service with a simile!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
April 7, 2013: SoFNN: Elemental War Mega- Turn 2
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention! We here at SoFNN would like to invite subscribers to submit topics for articles which our lazy and inept staff might miss or disdain to cover. Did I mention they're lazy? (Editor's note: Sending an article excerpt does not guarantee publication, particularly if it's offensive, self-congratulating, hypogrammatical, or pun-deficient.)
Elemental War Action Item: Arillus, Team Water, Comes To A Boyle?!!
- The Nozama hordes of Commander Arillus are on the move, striking out and successfully capturing the planet Boyle's Parole this past cycle. While he took the whole kit and caboodle with him, only 1 fighter was birthed at the Noz Lagoon, making we at SoFNN wonder about what opening gambit he is up to. Our analysts tell us they smell something fishy at the Lagoon. (Editor's note: Well, that's one way to get the most out of your nozstrils!)
Elemental War Second Item: Kigali96 Gets An "AttaBouy" From Teammates!!
- In other Noz newz, Kigali sent his queen and strong fighter escort to secure the planet Bouy this past cycle. In a statement to SoFNN, he said the queen had just wanted to "get some Air", and that the victory "Bouy'd the spirits of my people". (Editor's note: Oh Bouy, can't anyone spell anymore?!)
Elemental War Third Item: VPXtreme Does A "Wingover", Captures Planet As Its Citizens Scuttler For Cover!!
- Commander VPXtreme showed his contempt for the niceties of war (Editor's note: Wait, there are niceties?) when he sent a number of Incinerators to secure Wingover this past cycle. While the 6 surviving people on the planet are screaming about "war crimes", the successful commander announced to SoFNN: "Look, it was just a VPXTreme makeover, okay?"
And now, a word from our sponsor: Mama's Boys With Acrophobia- "Well, of COURSE we all have an edifice Complex!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
