March 21, 2019: Destruction Delivered

Thanks to the heroics of Megabot 206 in the Gas Clouds of Garsasso and the kindness and ultranium of Steve Jackson and Kira, we have a new Mega open for joining now! We close to new players on the 30th and the 1st turn is April 1st at 8 PM. Badges and ultranium medals will be awarded!
-- Starcharger, Fleet Admiral

February 20, 2019: Open for Joins!

So? Command already!!

- Join up- spots remaining in "Sprint Game"!

No sense waiting until the next mega when there's games to play :)

February 16, 2019: News News- Turns 18 And 20

Turn 18 and 20 Mega News-- All the news, no (more) moos!

Turn 18: When The Objectiv Is The Objective!

- Clearly, Commander Xenofruit's objective was to objectively win at Objectiv, but by all objective accounts, BtB objected and prevented him from achieving his objective at Objectiv. (Ed. Note: At least there weren't too many adjectives.)

Turn 18: Marathon Man Denies Platypus An Entra-Level Position!

- Still asking "Is it safe?", Sun Tzu assured that it was by eliminating The Placidest Platypus's probing fleet of SSF's by drilling their teeth until they were dead. (Ed Note: Srsly? Sheesh.)

Turn 18: The World Is Not E Niff!

- An underwhelming fight at Niff is notable for the precision force application to get the job done. One might say it was Niffed in the bud. (Ed. Note: But one shouldn't have. Objectively speaking.)

Turn 20: Cow Mutilations At All Time High!

- ScaryRaven took on Guntar at Cow Pasture, but didn't bring enough captive bolt pistols to finish the job.

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you by Death Wish Whiskey: "Cowards die many times before their Death Wish; the Valiant taste of Death wish many times."

Travail, UC News Reporter

February 11, 2019: New News Is Good News, Turn 16

Turn 16 Mega News-- All the news, none of the boos!

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

- Placid Platypus took on the runaway defense spending of Worry's End, ending that particular worry. Reports are that he chipped the paint on one of his GPA's in the process.

The Rule of Law!

- Murphy's Law ruled the roost at Murphy, at least for Commander Klosh. The Hulk (of Grey) continues to maraud successfully, capturing both Murphy and Gar en Nar this past tick.

Meteo-Right and Wrong!

- The largest battle of the tick took place at Twin Meteorites, where Commander Sredda fought uphill against Starcharger's entrenched, prepared forces. The last reported transmission from the attack fleet was the following: "Wait... that's no moon. It's an ORN MOON GUN sta....aaaaaah!!!"

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you by The Stylish Spaceman, Inc.: "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have great dress thrust upon them."

Travail, UC News Reporter

February 6, 2019: New News, Turn 11

Turn 11 Mega News-- All the news, none of the fake!

In It For The Long Run!

- Sun Tzu took a relaxing jog into Marathon, subduing the population promptly as he crossed the finish line. Word is he immediately took the former Governor prisoner and strapped him into a chair, then began asking him over and over: "Is it safe?"

Charity Begins At Home!

- At least for everyone except Commander Gimak, who left home to take on the defenders of Charity. Early reports from elsewhere in the quadrant suggest that the leaders of Faith and Hope are looking over their shoulders nervously, and seeking allies.

Who Goes Lookin For Strangelove?!

- The on again, off again hostilities between Uncle Bob and Slim Pickens continue to smolder as the competing commanders exchange worlds and Bob does a flyby on Pickens' tower at over 400 knots! (Ed. Note: Nobody wants someone's butt. And, I think that about covers flybys.)

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you The Union of United Medical Examiners- "Don't let your government try to save money by cutting Coroners!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

February 4, 2019: New News

Turn 7 Mega News-- All the news, none of the fake!

Episode 4: A New Hope!

- Which was promptly incinerated by Master Spider Koneko, along with more than half the population and all of the new Jedi. Hope no more.

In Like Flynn (As Long As Flynn Is A Ninja)!

- Commander Greyhulk swept into Ninja unseen, but not unfelt. On cat-like, tabi'd feet (Ed. Note. No. Nope. Done with the Ninja metaphor.)

Nozamistan Exed!

- A lone X6 was sent on a suicide run to Nozamistan, and Arillus made sure to give him what he wanted. A feint? A missed gift? A fighter pilot out for a starlit sail in Noz infested space? Your guess is as good as ours. (Ed. Note: Better.)

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you by The Center for Religious Brainwashing- "Dogma is man's best friend!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

January 31, 2019: Mega News Turn 4!

Turn 4 Mega News-- All the news that's fit to download straight to your brain (because that doesn't sound risky at all)!

Alpha And Omega!

- Alpha was captured by a rapid strike force of HSF's under command of Commander Greyhulk. The stealthy fleet was able to overpower the few bots and their hanger's on, which were unable to defend a nicely stocked HW after a rocky start for Commander Solitar.

Jackboots And Jill!

- Commander Ubones went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water with enough of a military presence to capture Jill. Preliminary reports suggest he did not fall down and break his crown. That is all.

Once Bitten!

- Arachnapoleon swept into Bitten with fire and brimstone, leaving whole heaps of ash in its place. On a positive note, Brood Vat futures are up, ahead of the market.

In a brief, barely related, and possibly irrelevant 'human' interest piece, little Timmy (Ed. Note: Justinius' son, not the one that fell down the well)--whose iconic portrait of a scuttler still hangs in the Museum of Refrigerator Art--is now in graduate school studying xenobiology. (Ed. Note: Thanks. Just radiocarbon date me for my next birthday, okay?)

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you by Heavy Hitters, Inc.: "All assassination contract payments must include Shivving and Handling charges."

Travail, UC News Reporter

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