August 8, 2010: Sort Of Fabulous Network News Update

Augustus: Turn 3!

Action Item: Houston, We Have A Problem!
- Entradashar Commander Loras earned top battle honors today, as he certainly gave the planet Houston some problems before his forces subjugated it this past tick. In a brief statement to reporters, Commander Loras offered amnesty to all those who fought against him, and assures those who wish it an "Entra" level position in his Empire.

Second Item: Our Father, Whose Art's Uneven!
- The prayers of the people of Paternoster went unanswered this past tick, when its defenses fell to the unstoppable forces of Major General Xenofruit. The refrain "Horrid be thine aim" held no power over the invaders, as they shot up everything in sight with terrible accuracy to take control. A spokesman for the prior regime, now in exile, disgruntedly pointed out "the perils of forbidden xenofruit".

Third Item: Balmbando Takes New World For The Nonce!
- Nonce fell to Temporal Captain Balmbando this past tick, in a battle which turned out to be fairly costly to the victor. Balmbando reported that the defenders fought like "Noncy boys", which was the reason for the ultimate victory against numerically superior forces.

And now a word from our sponsor: Porcelain Figurines, Rice-field Assassins, and Pet Food, Incorporated- "Try our knick knacks and our paddy whacks, and then give your dog a bone!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

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