August 10, 2010: Sort Of Fabulous Network News Update

Augustus: Turn 5!

Action Item: Who Is Older Than Dirt?
- Commander Harley made a bid for the title, chiefly by invading Dirt this past tick. In so doing, he ousted Joe Dirt of the ruling family, Dirtying his hands with the business of war, and slinging dirt upon the '2987 Days Without An Invasion!' sign on the former ruler's home.

Second Item: Old Gringo Turns A Blind Eye To His General's Leadership!
- Blind Eye fell this past tick to forces of Old Gringo, led by one of his most infamous warleaders, General E. Competent. He spoke to us, saying: "Oh, yes, we've had our eye on this place for a while. The good one, I mean!"

Third Item: Roll Of Dice Comes Up Aces!
- Talented VaT'ak commandress 5rDrake took a gamble this past tick... the planet Gamble, of course. The luck of the draw left her E class suicide fighter still active at the end of the combat after going all in on the attack. After deposing the King of Gamble, Commandress 5rDrake found a staggering 14 full bathrooms in the palace, which, she reported to us, "Was clearly his idea of a Royal Flush".

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Travail, UC News Reporter

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