August 13, 2010: Sort Of Fabulous Network News Update

Augustus: Turn 8!

Action Item: No Looking Glass Required!
- Commander Panthro_74 bypassed the looking glass in order to fall right down Bunny's Hole this past tick, seizing the Homeworld of Rab_1 in a daring victory. We asked him about the secret of his success, to which he replied: "Well, if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall, and a hookah smoking caterpillar has given you the call, go ask Romeo- I think he'll know."

Second Item: Sevens Are Lucky On Friday The 13th!
- Zen Sensei ShadowbaneX invaded Lucky Seven, seizing the planet with scarcely any losses in a blaze of good fortune for him, if not for the planet itself. Up next for the Sensei? "Seven times around the seven hills of Lucky Seven, I think."

Third Item: Low Self Esteem Causes World To Surrender With Barely A Fight!
- Tenacious fighters of the Dalai Nozamalama took control of Worthless today, a planet more valuable than its name suggests. It is said that at one point in the planet's history, it had huge amounts of worth, but these went missing in the tragic "Fuzzy Slipper" incident 2 millenia ago. Meanwhile, the planetary anthem has been happily changed by the populace from a chant of "We're not worthy!" to that of its new emperor: "Nozamalamadingdong".

And now a word from our sponsor: Domino's Star Drive Repair Service- "Your warp drive hot and fresh in 30 minutes or less, or it's free!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

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