August 27, 2010: Sort Of Fabulous Network News Update

Augustus: Turn 22!

Action Item: Jacked Up!
- HOME-PRIME fell today, under the assault of Captain "He'll get you high tonight" Jack, who defeated the forces of Commander Gerrygadget in the fierce battle. We caught up with Captain Jack to ask about the victory, and he replied: "It's like voting politics, except the Gerry has already been 'mandered'." Small civilian businesses which have survived the battle have acknowledged their new ruler with small stickers stuck to various goods, saying "You Don't Know Jack, But He's Not Such A Bad Guy".

Second Item: Divine Comedy!
- Dante's Hell, homeworld of Legion Commander Phalanx, was captured by the forces of Boro "The Big Bad" Wolf this past cycle. The comic irony is that the planet had about the same number of population (190) as hew9's (140). The Acutron has certainly recognized it as a homeworld win, but one can't help but notice that while the lights were on, no one was home-world.

Third Item: Buyer Beware!
- Pharoah's Emissary Imhotep_IV found this warning to be quite appropos this past tick, as the "purchase" of Swampland on behalf of his Pharoah went awry. Instead of the building inspectors, land surveyors, and real estate agents he was expecting to encounter, he found instead a heavy duty military presence which was not, in fact, eager to sell anything except themselves- dearly, and in defense of their world. We at SoFNN have received reports that Commander Nakor's R-class wreckers have been promoted and upgraded up the alphabet, as they did a grade A job of wrecking the invading fleet.

And now a word from our sponsor: Shakespeare's Tailors, Inc.- "Once more into the breeches, dear friends!

Travail, UC News Reporter

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