September 7, 2010: Sort Of Fabulous Network News Update

Augustus: Turn 33!

Action Item: It Really Was As Easy As 1-2-3!
- His Spiderrificness Thrognor found a relatively easy victory as he wrested control of ABC from Orn Commander Balmbando this past cycle. Almost half the population of the planet was destroyed during the invasion, and scuttlers are surfacing everywhere. To help with the task of rounding them up and educating them enough to function before the next mission, huge classrooms are filled with the buggers in order to teach them planetary geography, ensuring that they learn their ABC's.

Second Item: A Major Oops!
- Arachnon leader Rearlsmith put the hammer down on Oops this past tick for a definitive victory against Commander Sponge. The defeated commander's corpse was found floating atop the water in a pair of strangely tailored trousers, leading to the local news headlines proclaiming "Leader Dead: Sponge Bobs In Square Pants!" The huge population loss has again yielded a bumper crop of scuttlers, who are bumping into everything on the planet, and then eating if it doesn't run or fight back.

Third Item: Pinata Hits Cadre!
- SoFNN has learned that a large attack fleet sent by Commander Geugon hit a heavily defended sxullborg world this past cycle, and was destroyed in the process. In the resulting destruction, a huge amount of utranium was shaken (Editor's note: not stirred) out of the invader's fleet, which is a windfall for the survivors of the attack given how few actually survived to split up the 'take'.

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Travail, UC News Reporter

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