December 23, 2010: SoFNN- Special Holiday Issue
Tiberius: Turn 35......Rings 1&2: Turn 20!Editor's note: We at SoFNN would like to wish a happy holiday season and New Year to all commanders, and to their families, slave/servitor races, artificial intelligences, sentient food supply, personal masseusses, and kittens. We would be happy to apologize for the dearth of news updates if we were actually sorry there have been few news updates, but since we're not, no apologies this year. (For the die-hard, news-following holiday-niks, you can look in your stockings- that lump of coal is from SoFNN!)
Action Item: Tiberius- Dinah Discovered In Compromising Position- Film At 11!!
- Reliable reports from the front lines of River's multiple wars have come in, describing the fall of River's HW of The Kitchen. One eyewitness to the attack reports: "Hell yes, someone was in The Kitchen with Dinah, someone was in The Kitchen I know!" It appears that someone is none other than SoFNN reporter/editor/pun-wielding maniac Travail, who sacked the HW of the besieged Commander River. Dinah was unable to be reached for comment, but her youtube video can be seen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwqTgd8NJS0&feature=related (Editor's note: We have no idea who this woman is, why she was in the kitchen, and even if she says anything- our network's main audio card in on the fritz. Therefore, we would like to offer insincere apologies to anyone we might have offended.)
Second Item: Tiberius- Glimmer Of Hope As Universe Approaches Apocalypse!
- Kilvan 99 won on the defense at Glimmer this past cycle, as part of a rampant upswing of hostile takeovers in the closing cycles of the Universe. UC_Rommel reported to us that he had launched "with a Glimmer of success", but the success at Glimmer was all Kilvan's. That is why he is the Glimmer in his father's eye, of course. Also of note, the apocalypse arrived early at Monsterpocalypse several cycles ago, but arrives for everyone else imminently (Editor's note: And just in time for the holidays).
Third Item: Ring 1- Whatever Happened To I through IV?!
- While our researchers have no idea of the answer to that question, we know what happened to Mufficate V- BigErn smashed into the HW to swipe it from Guido this past cycle. Apparently, it WASN'T a "Jersey thing".
Fourth Item: Ring 2- Future Looks Bleaker Today Than Yesterday!
- At least from the perspective of Skynet, who lost the HW Future to an invasion by Tower212. We caught up with Tower to ask him about the attack, and he reported: "At least we've forestalled Judgment Day by taking out Skynet now. In fact, one could say the threat has been.... Terminated!"
Fifth Item: Ring 2- Two In A Million Battle!
- Aatelsperre this past cycle was the site of another remarkable battle, with fp in the mid-300 range for both commanders, and a fight which led to mutual annihilation. While it might, indeed, have been a 1-in-a-million battle, since we had one earlier in the news some cycles ago, we had to downgrade it a 2-in-a-million.
And now, a word from our sponsor: Chocolate Treat Space Cruises- "Explore the universe through chocolate. Try our holiday special, the Bon Bon Voyage!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
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