January 27, 2011: Sort Of Fabulous Network News- Yesterday's News, Today!

Valerian: Turn 10!

Action Item: Meat Paste Changes Hands Without Butcher In Sight!

- Lord Gunt's HW of Meat Paste fell to a single SSF fighter belonging to Commander Badifacator, which beat out the competing single x-5 fighter sent by Commodore Jakey27. One wonders if it was an engineered takeover or simply the result of very frightening looking feints, or if Lord Gunt suddenly became vegan. On the other hand, Lord Gunt showed some hope for eventual success at the battle of Hope this same cycle. Like the court case at lunchtime, it appears that the jury is still out.

Second Item: Giant Slain At Giant Slayer!
- Mac "the Knife" Unaima ran into stiff resistance at Giant Slayer this past cycle, and suffered defeat at the hands of Glim "I Got David's Slingshot" Sheppen. One could say that the defense has "giant" shoes to fill, but it could represent a "giant" error in judgment to say so. Either way, it's clear why the Atlas of the Universe has a notation that "Beanstalks don't grow here".

Third Item: Too Many Carbs!
- Commander "My Luck Is Not Getting Better" HardLuck was beaten by the defense of Commandress 5 "Arrgh" Drake at Carbon this past cycle. She reported: "Yeah, it was more of a carb-off for him than a Carbon." Asked about whether he would attack the planet Carbon in followup, Hardluck replied: "It's elemental, dear Watson."

And now, a word from our sponsor: Pisces Power Up (tm) High Fructose Corn Syrup Fish Food- "Because every fish deserves to be fruct to the gills!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

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