February 8, 2011: SoFNN Interim Report

Valerian: Turn 22!

Editor's Note- Life has been busy for Cub Reporter Travail- scheduling real life in between thrashings by Commander Suns in Valerian has led to fewer News reports than usual. We will endeavor to return to our more-or-less regularly scheduled nonsense.

Action Item: Disco Stu Doesn't Advertise!

- A massive assault took place at Stu, in which Essex played the part of 'Home(world) Wrecker', bringing along 7 RC Wreckers to do the job. Of course, after the battle he has enough lift capacity to pull one off of Stu, but they seem pretty comfortable sitting right where they are. Where do RC Wreckers sit? Anywhere they damn well please.

Second Item: Several Thousand Motes In God's Eye!
- Commander Farstar brought a large force along to attack the luckiest Unfortunate Simian at Eyes of God. Unfortunately for Farstar, lots of firepower was waiting for him at the planet, and Unfortunate Simian cashed in on it with a pile of flying ultranium.

Third Item: Rearlsmith Finds The Heel!
- In another large battle of the cycle, Rear Admiral Smith brought the boom to Achille, causing such a commotion and confusion at the planet that Number 5 made a statement to reporters saying: "I am Number 4". (Editor's note- He was talking about the new movie at that moment.)

And now, a word from our sponsor: Union of United Dognappers- "Carpe Sharpay!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

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