April 24, 2012: SoFNN- Brief Update: Eye Spy Mega!

Eye Spy, turn 32!

Bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention! Despite many expectations and more than a few hopes, Eye Spy something with my I that begins with A..... Another Tick! At least we can now expect only one more tick, which supports the famous quote: "On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

Action Item: Zpo Beaten By "Ardent Spatula"!
- "Gentleman Gim" Gimak added a few brushstrokes to Paint this past cycle, destroying "A to Z"po's garrisoning fleets in the takeover. Gimak told us: "The damage to the planet is all superficial- we'll just throw another coat of itself on it and it will look fine." In a contrasting statement, Zpo said: "Yeah, well, Gimak just Painted himself into a coroner!"

Second Item: Lucky Jump Seems To Have Been!

- Commander Habig "This Big!" took a jump at Lucky Jump, and was rewarded with a moderately unlikely victory, one which the "Wherefore Art Thou" Romeo battlecomputer predicted at approximately 37%. I guess it's not true: White Zen CAN jump!

Third Item: Xeno Phobia Manifests Strongly!

- A four-way fight at Xeno took place this past cycle, as 3 different commanders all attempted to wrest the planet from "He's a" Maniac. The planet went to Left "No Soap" Radio, after his large, mixed force used their 67 scan-o-matic pogo sticks to enter the fray. Seems to be a good thing he hadn't Left it for the final tick!

And now, a word from our sponsor: Beauty Pageant News Services- "Although she thought she'd won, Miss Perception was only runner-up!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

April 18, 2012: SoFNN- Brief Update: Eye Spy Mega!

Eye Spy, turn 25!

Bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention, but with long breaks in between due to fatigue and busy-ness! We now return you to your irregularly scheduled broadcasts.

Action Item: D.H. Lawrence Turns Over In Grave!
- The well-known, deceased old Terran poet (1885-1930, Old Terran Calendar) would have suffered tragically had he been alive today, as Elysium was broken this past cycle. Yes, fabled HW of Zpo (Editor's note: Zero Potential Omniscience?) was cracked by the inexorable (Editor's note: And very slow-moving) fleets of Commander "Edgar Allen Poe Hates Me" Kilraven. The mix of HC4's, x-fighters, and RCW's defeated a much higher fp force stationed at Zpo's now-former HW. Rousted out of his own cluster, Kilraven's rag-tag, fugitive fleet found a shining beacon in space, and then beat up everyone there to seize control. In a statement to reporters, Zpo spoke the timeless words of a famous D.H. Lawrence poem, "Elysium":

Delivered helpless and amazed
From the womb of the All,
I am waiting, dazed
For memory to be erased.
Then I shall know the Elysium
That lies outside the monstrous womb
Of time from out of which I come.

Second Item: When Moon Is Least Common Denominator, 'Bat Falls To 'Gun!

- Commander "Zombie Dice" Kira led a successful attack against the besieged and beleagured homeworld of Commander "Irony Is Not An Element On The Periodic Table" HCobb this past cycle, capturing Moonbat with a fleet based around a core of Moonguns. The novel fleet composition served definitive notice against Hcobb, a mere two cycles after his successful and spirited defense against Commander "I Make Maps And Put Them Down" Thrognor. Asked where she got the idea for tucking a bunch of Moonguns into the core of a fleet, she simply replied: "I don't know, but I think my friend Darth said something about it last week...."

Third Item: "No Mr. Bond, I Expected You To Die! Again!"

- Or so the planet Blofeld and its owner Commander "*" Asteriscus thought this past cycle, attacked as it was by Commander "AJ" Admljoey, but the VaT'ak marauder was able to pull off a convincing victory. Of course, on the down side, the loss of several "E class" Haulers in the fight means there are now a bunch of battlestations with 4 flat tires sitting on landing strips with cardboard '4 Sale' signs on them. In an offhand comment to the press, Asteriscus said: "Blofeld never saw the Specter of defeat in time. Again."

And now, a word from our sponsor: Limericks For Overweight Punsters, Inc:

"My body's a bit 'out of place',
and I can't get my corset up-laced!
My two 'kissing' thighs
have near-doubled in size-
Why? 'Cause I only run when I'm chaste!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

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