April 28, 2013: SoFNN: Elemental War Mega News- Turn 17!

News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!

With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention!

Elemental War Action Item: Theory Of Relativity Is Reproven!!

- Commander Sobyv told Einstein (the world, not the famous, dead, terran scientist) that E equaled MC *boom!!* this past cycle, when a veritable horde of megabots joined the battle. (Editor's note: Should that be "bottle"?) The speedy bot-talion made short work of the powerful static defense of the planet, putting Commander Solitar's entire empire on notice given the awesome range of those bots. Reached for comment, Sobyv told us: "It's got to be the bot, Bob."

Elemental War Second Item: Okay, It Wasn't So Flawless!!

- Meeee-OW! Commander "A Man Called" Paladin1991 won an uphill battle against Flat "Cool" Cat at Flawless this past cycle, as both commanders went for the planet at the same time. Flat's forces were pounded, er, flat, as a prickly Nclass V2 outlasted the competition to win the battle. Of course, it looks awful lonely sitting there by itself. In an exclusive interview with SoFNN, Paladin told us: "Okay, maybe it wasn't so flawless, but it worked."

Elemental War Third Item: VPXtreme Proves He Can Be As Ornery As An Orn!!

- Commander VPXtreme (Editor's note: To borrow a ZPOism) brought the boom to Ornery this past cycle, sacking the now former homeworld of Commander JimC. We caught up to him for a statement, and he said: "I'm a world killer, not a doctor, Jim!"

And now, a word from our sponsor: Society for the Preservation of Deaf Fish- "It's not their fault they are hard of herring!"

Travail, UC News Reporter

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