January 31, 2019: Mega News Turn 4!

Turn 4 Mega News-- All the news that's fit to download straight to your brain (because that doesn't sound risky at all)!

Alpha And Omega!

- Alpha was captured by a rapid strike force of HSF's under command of Commander Greyhulk. The stealthy fleet was able to overpower the few bots and their hanger's on, which were unable to defend a nicely stocked HW after a rocky start for Commander Solitar.

Jackboots And Jill!

- Commander Ubones went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water with enough of a military presence to capture Jill. Preliminary reports suggest he did not fall down and break his crown. That is all.

Once Bitten!

- Arachnapoleon swept into Bitten with fire and brimstone, leaving whole heaps of ash in its place. On a positive note, Brood Vat futures are up, ahead of the market.

In a brief, barely related, and possibly irrelevant 'human' interest piece, little Timmy (Ed. Note: Justinius' son, not the one that fell down the well)--whose iconic portrait of a scuttler still hangs in the Museum of Refrigerator Art--is now in graduate school studying xenobiology. (Ed. Note: Thanks. Just radiocarbon date me for my next birthday, okay?)

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you by Heavy Hitters, Inc.: "All assassination contract payments must include Shivving and Handling charges."

Travail, UC News Reporter

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