February 16, 2019: News News- Turns 18 And 20

Turn 18 and 20 Mega News-- All the news, no (more) moos!

Turn 18: When The Objectiv Is The Objective!

- Clearly, Commander Xenofruit's objective was to objectively win at Objectiv, but by all objective accounts, BtB objected and prevented him from achieving his objective at Objectiv. (Ed. Note: At least there weren't too many adjectives.)

Turn 18: Marathon Man Denies Platypus An Entra-Level Position!

- Still asking "Is it safe?", Sun Tzu assured that it was by eliminating The Placidest Platypus's probing fleet of SSF's by drilling their teeth until they were dead. (Ed Note: Srsly? Sheesh.)

Turn 18: The World Is Not E Niff!

- An underwhelming fight at Niff is notable for the precision force application to get the job done. One might say it was Niffed in the bud. (Ed. Note: But one shouldn't have. Objectively speaking.)

Turn 20: Cow Mutilations At All Time High!

- ScaryRaven took on Guntar at Cow Pasture, but didn't bring enough captive bolt pistols to finish the job.

Sponsor's corner-- This report brought to you by Death Wish Whiskey: "Cowards die many times before their Death Wish; the Valiant taste of Death wish many times."

Travail, UC News Reporter

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