June 26, 2020: Every-So-Often Acutron News Network
Infinita, Turns 13 and 14!Getting Kroyded At Kroyden!
Almost slipping under the radar, Captain "Robinson" Caruso employed subterfuge and impeccable tactical planning to first deny Hair 10 the tasty planet, preserving it for his own capture a tick later. Rather than fighting it out with an inadequate force, detailed analysis of the battle records 1 cycle ago will show a 5th column of Caruso's forces designated as Caruso Aid Train sneak into the defense force and repel Hair10's troops in the initial attack. The shock of the intelligence failure has had ripple effects throughout the sector, and now Hair is in disarray. (Editor's note: *headdesk*)
Tearilis Grabs A Boobee??!
Dread Arachnon Lord Tearilis managed the first HW capture for Infinita last cycle, in an all-out attack on beleaguered and besieged Blokhead at Boo Bee. (Editor's note: Alliterative and accurate. Adequate.) He completed the conquest of that sector this cycle, leaving the unfortunate Commander Blokhead, handicapped by a late start, the first victim of his reign of terror. Who knows where it will end? (Editor's note. The Shadow knows, of course. Ahem.)
LBonser Left Barren and Bereft...of Barren!
General Habig completed several captures over the past cycles, brazenly attacking two different enemies. Barren fell to his superior forces this cycle. This reporter asked him about the conquest, and he replied: "Barren? I barely even marched in!".
This news update sponsored Center for Religious Brainwashing- "Dogma is man's best friend."
Travail, UC News Reporter
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