April 28, 2013: SoFNN: Elemental War Mega News- Turn 17!
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention!
Elemental War Action Item: Theory Of Relativity Is Reproven!!
- Commander Sobyv told Einstein (the world, not the famous, dead, terran scientist) that E equaled MC *boom!!* this past cycle, when a veritable horde of megabots joined the battle. (Editor's note: Should that be "bottle"?) The speedy bot-talion made short work of the powerful static defense of the planet, putting Commander Solitar's entire empire on notice given the awesome range of those bots. Reached for comment, Sobyv told us: "It's got to be the bot, Bob."
Elemental War Second Item: Okay, It Wasn't So Flawless!!
- Meeee-OW! Commander "A Man Called" Paladin1991 won an uphill battle against Flat "Cool" Cat at Flawless this past cycle, as both commanders went for the planet at the same time. Flat's forces were pounded, er, flat, as a prickly Nclass V2 outlasted the competition to win the battle. Of course, it looks awful lonely sitting there by itself. In an exclusive interview with SoFNN, Paladin told us: "Okay, maybe it wasn't so flawless, but it worked."
Elemental War Third Item: VPXtreme Proves He Can Be As Ornery As An Orn!!
- Commander VPXtreme (Editor's note: To borrow a ZPOism) brought the boom to Ornery this past cycle, sacking the now former homeworld of Commander JimC. We caught up to him for a statement, and he said: "I'm a world killer, not a doctor, Jim!"
And now, a word from our sponsor: Society for the Preservation of Deaf Fish- "It's not their fault they are hard of herring!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
April 16, 2013: SoFNN- Elemental War Mega, Turn 11
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention!
Elemental War Action Item: Silencio, Por Favor!!
- Commander Takeshi's fluid-like forces rolled over and quenched the scuttlers and military of "General" Platton at Silencio, silencioing them forever.
Elemental War Second Item: Dust Storm Dustup At Minion!!
- The airy minions of Zen at Minion were overcome by the earthy forces of "Rocky" Rukhy. Speaking of Zen, looks like Rukhy is about to do a little feng shuei.
And now, a word from our sponsor: Like Waiter for Chocolate- "Service with a simile!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
April 7, 2013: SoFNN: Elemental War Mega- Turn 2
News, news, news, from the Sort of Fantastic Network News!!With all the news that's fit to embellish, we are bringing you the best of the best since we started feeling like it and you started paying attention! We here at SoFNN would like to invite subscribers to submit topics for articles which our lazy and inept staff might miss or disdain to cover. Did I mention they're lazy? (Editor's note: Sending an article excerpt does not guarantee publication, particularly if it's offensive, self-congratulating, hypogrammatical, or pun-deficient.)
Elemental War Action Item: Arillus, Team Water, Comes To A Boyle?!!
- The Nozama hordes of Commander Arillus are on the move, striking out and successfully capturing the planet Boyle's Parole this past cycle. While he took the whole kit and caboodle with him, only 1 fighter was birthed at the Noz Lagoon, making we at SoFNN wonder about what opening gambit he is up to. Our analysts tell us they smell something fishy at the Lagoon. (Editor's note: Well, that's one way to get the most out of your nozstrils!)
Elemental War Second Item: Kigali96 Gets An "AttaBouy" From Teammates!!
- In other Noz newz, Kigali sent his queen and strong fighter escort to secure the planet Bouy this past cycle. In a statement to SoFNN, he said the queen had just wanted to "get some Air", and that the victory "Bouy'd the spirits of my people". (Editor's note: Oh Bouy, can't anyone spell anymore?!)
Elemental War Third Item: VPXtreme Does A "Wingover", Captures Planet As Its Citizens Scuttler For Cover!!
- Commander VPXtreme showed his contempt for the niceties of war (Editor's note: Wait, there are niceties?) when he sent a number of Incinerators to secure Wingover this past cycle. While the 6 surviving people on the planet are screaming about "war crimes", the successful commander announced to SoFNN: "Look, it was just a VPXTreme makeover, okay?"
And now, a word from our sponsor: Mama's Boys With Acrophobia- "Well, of COURSE we all have an edifice Complex!"
Travail, UC News Reporter
April 1, 2013: Elemental War
A new mega game is now open! (No fooling!) This is a 4-team game, each team with 16 players, aligned along the forces of the classical elements: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water.
The game is open for joining until 8pm Thursday, April 4th, or when the game fills, whichever comes first. The map will be built then. The first tick will be on Saturday, April 6th.
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