January 31, 2015: SoFNN: New Years Bash- Turn 24!

Apparently, it does not pay to be Bash-full!

Action Item: Nobody Noz The Troubles I've Seen!

- Nozama the universe over are singing a different tune today; a nameless, wailing sort of dirge. At 3 of the top 4 battles of the cycle, Nozama fighters took it on the chin (Editor's note: We assume they have chins). At Acequia, 591 bought the farm along with their Queen, while at Cepit another 351 lost their swarmy little lives. Finally, another 315 were flamed into oblivion at Fifth, bringing the total dead in just those battles to 1257 for the cycle. Victorious commanders made various statements. Sentrion said: "They were noz trouble at all", while Kniggits said: "Up their noz with a rubber hose."

Action Item: Bet BriantheBrave Could Use A Common Cold Virus About Now!

- Mars was the scene of yet another invasion, though this time as the victims rather than the attackers. For the third humongous battle at BtB's HW, Arillus brought the boom against a staunch defense which had already successfully repelled the invaders twice before. "This is what happens when two strong, successful commanders go to war," said an anonymous analyst. "The Mars-gin between victory and defeat can be pretty thin."

Action Item: Sarigar Goes Gambling- Wins!

- Sarigar went full-on stealth mode, sending a fleet of fighters to Chemin-de-Fer against Commander Rukhy "Balboa" this past cycle. After an exchange of words, Rukhy swears revenge. Sarigar, when asked for comment, said: "Right baccarat at you."

We'd like to thank our sponsor, Physicists for the Repair of Rips in Space-Time: "A stitch in time saves nine, give or take for a negligible margin of error."

Travail, UC News Reporter

January 26, 2015: SoFNN: New Years Bash- Turn 19!

Apparently the bashing will continue until morale improves!

Action Item: How Many Ticks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of Tootsie?

- Caruso went carousing after he ca-ruised into Tootsie, remaining unsurprised when Tootsie's defenses went 'Pop'! Despite cheers of 'Go, Tootsie, Go!' from Dabney Coleman's clone, Caruso's forces carried the day. A big fan of Old Terra Television's series 'Twin Peaks', Caruso told reporters: "The Mr. Owls are not what they seem."

Action Item: Rukhy Rocks And Rolls For Milk Of Amnesia And Cookies!

- Commander Rukhy "Balboa" brought forces to bear against Catbar at Propofol this past cycle, and Catbar fared about as well as Michael Jackson did back on Old Terra. (Editor's note: What? Too soon?)

Action Item: Aarterial Bleeding At Aartos!

- An upstart, overconfident Commander punctured hopes, dreams, and major vasculature with a sneaky stab at Aartos this past cycle. The formerly proud HW of Commander "My Bot-ty Lies Over The Ocean" Bianchi now lies in ruins under the scads of Sentinels running roughshod all over it. Avoiding a statement to reporters, the victorious commander only said: "Bot me no bots, okay?"

We'd like to thank our sponsor, The Society for Fans of Far Eastern Philosophy and the Witch Doctors: "It's all about the Yin, the Yang, and the Ting Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang."

Travail, UC News Reporter

January 18, 2015: SoFNN Brings You Coverage Of : New Years Bash- Turn 12 Update!

Many commanders have embraced "New Years Bash", taking the opportunity to start bashing on some neighbors!

Action Item: Dominion Over Heavens And, Er Dominion!
Dude22 went in with TAPS and SUVv3's blazing to bust up Domino's dominion over Dominion. In an exclusive statement to SoFNN reporters, he said: "Let the Dominos fall where they may."

Action Item: Kniggits Finds Entra Level Position!
Commander "Silly English" Kniggits is conducting a very successful first (as far as we know) outing in the greater universe, achieving decisive victory over the inactive Maestro at the former Entradashar HW of Entra Prime. Admirers of Kniggits liken his lightning fast moves and stealthy maneuvers to ancient Terran martial artist, Bruce Lee. Apparently happy with the comparison, Kniggits has been quoted as responding: "Hey, it's just like that scene in Entra the Dragon, right?"

Action Item: Dominaria Now Dominated Area!
Klosh clobbered in klutzy clash as Koneko climbs, clanks, and clunks a clapping, clinking clangor to clean Klosh's clock. (Editor's note: Now say that 10 times, fast.)

We'd like to thank our sponsor, Soviet Blood Disorders Clinic: "We specialize in treating Hammer and Sickle cell anemia."

Travail, UC News Reporter

TopLatest NewsAll News