May 19, 2020: Every-So-Often Acutron News Network

Infinita, Turn 8!

Bloodbath At Bloodmatch!

Venerable and experienced commanders Breakers and Maturin clashed over colonization rights to Bloodmatch this past tick, with the telling forces of Maturin winning the day. A good time was had by the victors, and not so much by the victims. One could say "Two men enter, one man leaves", but I wouldn't. (Editor's note: Except you did. Shame.)

Happenings At Happenstance!

Commander Jodos launched an all out attack on the heavily fortified Happenstance this past cycle. The right formula for tactical troop composition was evident in the battle, as Jodos did not even lose the tin-foil covered, E-class suicide psi hauler that brought the troops to the party. You might happen to say it was happenstance. (Editor's note: Argh.)

Sxullz Out For Summer!

Wily Field Marshal Glax-"OH NO!"-ono brought the boom to Sxullz Daze this cycle, capturing the planet and expelling the teachers and principal in a move sure to be wildly and widely celebrated at the beginning of the summer season.

This news update sponsored by Slow Cap Ship Construction Svcs.- "Speed kills!  Why else would they call it 'terminal velocity', right?!""

Travail, UC News Reporter

May 15, 2020: ACUTRON Every-So-Often Action News!

Escape To The Universe, Turn 15

Some physicists said that neutrinos pass through everything, but Greyhulk did not pass through Neutrino this past cycle. The Invisible Enemy broke down the attacking enemy waves into particles. (Editor's note: Physics jokes? Why are quantum physicists bad lovers? A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position!}

Guderian the Not-Too-Shabby found Slice of Heaven to be a slice of heaven after nailing Paladin's defensive fleet to the proverbial wall without a significant degradation of his forces. Speculation about the administrative staff requirements for his empire abound, along with questions as to whether he will need new hires, and if they can telecommute from homeworld.

Essex has announced that he will buy the pilot of the Hurax stealth fighter stationed at Qachate several beers ("Nice ones, too, like Newcastle, or Curieux") for his stalwart defense this past cycle. Battling uphill the whole way, radio transcripts of the battle reveal that he lost Hutch, Tyree, and Porkins only halfway into the battle, but evaded the determined enemy fighters until victory was achieved.

Sponsored by Mothers Against Nazgul: "Your donations will help us achieve all our wight-loss goals."

Travail, UC News Reporter

May 8, 2020: Breakers Wins!

Breakers wins big going away in the April Showers Mega Game! It was a close game at 32-31 and Breakers put it all in the air and took 11 planets on turn 24, wow!

This is Breakers 5th Mega win in recent recorded history. Congratulations Breakers! Your 5th ultranium ring is "in the mail." One for the thumb!

In 2020 Breakers has played in four Mega games and is averaging 9 Masters points per game.

Mongrell barked and growled and snarled his way into 2nd place! Black Knight and Gerry.gadget tied for third.

The team game will open for joining on the 11th after 8 pm. It will close after 8pm on the 14th and the two teams will jockey for position starting May 16th at 8 PM. Another Mega will start in June and we may keep at monthly games for a while after that.

-- Starcharger, Fleet Admiral

May 3, 2020: Ubones Wins Again!

Ubones takes 1st in Pandemic! Starcharger gets 2nd and Dr_Sci takes 3rd!

11 year old Ubones chose his Undead name! 10 years later he sort of wishes he had picked another name. Sort of. In any case it's another Mega win for college student Ubones. He is skipping Escape to the Universe to study for his finals. Maybe the Department of Defense should hire this military mastermind?

April Showers is moving along. Mongrell is in the top spot, with Guderian and the Black Knight nearby.

Escape to the Universe has taken off for the stars and we expect Travail to drop a limerick and maybe a sponsored ad.

Look for a team game in the middle of May and a theme game June 1st.

-- Starcharger, Fleet Admiral

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